It was tedious, dull and insipid. Elio is 17-years-old and Oliver is 24-years-old. The age dif has never been an issue in my eyes. I think there are certain power imbalances at play. The morning after Oliver is concerned that 1) Elio will hold it against him and 2) that he's messed Elio up. I recently rewatched CMBYN and followed it up by reading some reviews and articles. He meets this dude called Michel at a concert. Montgomery (@cowboy_montg), who was abused by a teacher as a high school student, joins Here & Now's Robin Young to discuss why she sees the movie as a "deftly directed, beautifully photographed, wonderfully acted master class in sexual predation and abuse. Elio is 17 years old. I agree that their age difference is addressed in subtle ways. Elio Perlman (Timothée Chalamet), the family’s 17-year-old precocious son, is expected to act as host and guide to the selected student, this year a 24-year-old American named Oliver (Armie Hammer). Thousands of young men and women alike experience complex, heartrending emotions and attractions as they grow into and explore themselves as young adults. I think that as much as he loves and is attracted to Elio, there's probably always this little voice in his head saying that this is not okay because his wanting a guy is not okay. Oliver was also the outsider. Pederasty is an adult man having a relationship with a teen boy. So, from Oliver's POV, he's pretty much getting involved with a child. I don’t want either of us to have to pay one way or another.”, I knew exactly what he was referring to but pretended otherwise. The age gap is further emphasized by Elio being more physically and emotionally vulnerable than Oliver. Thank you so much for this enlightening post! I'm not really surprised by the heated discussions over the Elio/Oliver age difference but I was rather perplexed by how many critics claimed the film didn't address the age difference issue. For those in their mid-to-early twenties, the average age gap for queer couples is around three to five years, whereas the age gap for straight couples runs closer to two or three years. In Italy, where the movie takes place, the age of consent is 14; it was also 14 in 1983, when the movie is set. I think that as much as he loves and is attracted to Elio, there's probably always this little voice in his head saying that this is not okay because his wanting a guy is not okay. There won’t be any trouble.”, “I didn’t mean that. You can make the argument the movie is like that due to Luca's casting choices, but Oliver feels very young in the book. I am gay. There is an initial relationship between Oliver and a male OC, which I will keep short and sweet, and without which Oliver and Elio wouldn’t be able to meet. Like Elio, I get the impression Oliver enjoys sex with women too and probably had his fair share of girlfriends pre-Italy (including the one he goes back and marries). Aciman was deliberate in making Elio 17 and Luca was deliberate in preserving that age different. You're hard again. I see most of the first exchange as Oliver's concern about Elio not having had a same-sex experience before, as if he could be seen as initiating Elio into a queer lifestyle, which, due to his internalized homophobia / the era, he sees as a potentially unhappy thing. And I understand how difficult it is to not see good representation of yourself. I just think the age dif is an issue in Elio/Oliver's dynamic. “For you, however you think of it, it’s still fun and games, which it should be. If Oliver and Elio were both 16 years older than they are in the movie, their age dif wouldn't be an issue at all. My best guess is because the young person was a boy and not a girl. Elio is not a minor, he's almost 18 for crying out loud. I don't think The Reader is a good parallel here because the age gap is a central part of the story (and was definitely talked about), and we weren't meant to find it romantic like CMBYN or Dirty Dancing. It's happens in this little town in Italy it feels like money doesn't even exists And to the power part even though Oliver is a doctoral candidate and elio is just seventeen it never felt to me like there was an imbalance, like you said Oliver is more distanced but it's only because he hides his feelings not because he's not vulnerable. The coming-of-age film that took the world by storm, ... and many of Elio and Oliver’s looks are just as on-trend in 2020 as they were in 1983. 15 years on from the OG peach fucking, Elio now lives in Paris. Oliver was 24 in the book and Elio 17. It's very confusing for a child. "I just don’t want to regret any of it—including what you wouldn’t let me talk about this morning. And in this context I think Oliver feels it would be bad to take advantage of Elio's blatant desire for him while staying in his family's home more so than Oliver feels the gay sex aspect is bad. The pair meet upon Oliver (who is American) staying at the Perlman family’s house in … Elio is 17 and Oliver is 24. His father is clearly okay with his son experimenting. It’s a bit problematic but then I wish the same lens went on other movies. Or movies like The Reader which had a far more disparate age range. Italy was Elio's turf with Elio's family and friends. I think it helps as well that the relationship does not have a money/power imbalance part to it. "It reminded me of that because, in my head, as a 15-year-old or a 16-year-old, I very much believed that I was in control, and that I was able to consent, and I would say, that's part of being 16, is you have that illusion that you're on top of things. At this point, Oliver mostly just cares about how Elio feels about their affair, not anyone else. Same with his confidence that they didn't make too much noise and Mafalda isn't going to find any signs. He was aware of being an older man touching a younger man who was uncomfortable with said touching (though not for the reason Oliver thought). This article was originally published on February 15, 2018. Advertisements. Elio also seems aware that he could get Oliver is trouble and assures him he won't. He establishes himself as a stud the moment he arrives in Italy and I'm sure he had just as many female admirers in America. I basically had sent myself to boarding school, I was a scholarship student, it wasn't something that was really even on my parents' radar, it was something I decided I wanted and it was something I figured out how to do. Again, this is Oliver worrying that he's acted like a molester. 'Pretty Little Liars' is another example where you have a student and a teacher being featured in a romance. Image courtesy of Sony Classics. The characters themselves know it's an issue and they don't hand-wave it. Elio is Jewish but Oliver isn’t, for plot reasons. But first, a warning to anyone who was put off between Elio and Oliver’s age gap in CMBYN: Find Me book may not be for you. Elio is conscious of his attraction to Oliver by the time he's boasting over breakfast that he almost had sex with Marzia. n. nathaliecorrea1220 Jan 28, 2021. For me it’s something else which I haven’t figured out, and the fact that I can’t scares me.”. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Nearly every couple in Find Me has a significant age gap. Aciman spoke on his choice to again place Elio in a relationship with an age gap saying; “I love the mix of young, old, old, young; the fact that one provides the kind of energy that the other probably lacks, and the older person provides the stability, the gentleness and the wisdom that comes with age. Not just the oblivious size difference - Elio gets a nosebleed after revealing his feelings, Elio throws up when they get drunk together, Elio masturbates and has casual sex with Marzia because he's horny all the time, Elio cries in several scenes while Oliver puts on a brave face. I believe Patrick Swayze was 34 when he played that role and Armie Hammer was 29 when he played Oliver. Their age gap isn't the only difference. My point was that the characters themselves, particularly Oliver, do treat their age difference as problematic and that the movie itself highlights this in many subtle ways. The novel chronicles their summer romance and the 20 years that follow. But in fact, an adult has the ability to ... the adult is developmentally in a position where they are able to play with a teenager's emotions in a way that a teenager can't even really understand what's happening. How old is oliver in the movie call me by your name For a few weeks now, as the Call Me By Your Name craze has penetrated the airwaves, there have been discussions about the notorious age gap between both protagonists. Elio 17, extremely well-read, sensitive and the son of a prominent expatriate professor finds himself troublingly attracted to this year's visiting resident scholar, recruited by his father from an American university. In regards to his experience, I saw Oliver's sexual confidence as something he'd built up with girls. When he goes down on Elio in the doorway, for example, that does not strike me as the move of someone who just had sex with a man for the first time less than twelve hours ago. For a few weeks now, as the Call Me By Your Name fever has penetrated the airwaves, there have been discussions about the infamous age gap between both of the main characters. [Oliver opens the door to Elio's room] Oliver : Elio, come here. That said, I've never found it disturbing and ppl who do, well, I think that they should relax more and move on with their lives. 17-year-old Elio (Timothée Chalamet) falls for 24-year-old graduate-student assistant Oliver (Armie Hammer), who is staying at his family’s house over the summer to help out his Elio’s father. The fact that Call Me By Your Name should be so widely perceived as a beautiful romance is absolutely terrifying.---Not because Oliver and Elio are men. This is why I love this subreddit. The disparity becomes much clearer at age thirty: at that point, the gap for queer couples hits almost seven years, the difference between Oliver and Elio. Not because there’s an age gap. Some, including author Cheyenne Montgomery, say they're disturbed by the age difference between the two protagonists — one portrayed as a boy, the other a man. Take your trunks off. On the other hand, I hear a lot of people who are upset with me. I just think Oliver is more concerned with being the responsible adult in that moment. It matters because it makes things complicated, and this complexity makes the story interesting. I’m sure I’ll pay for it somehow, though.” And for the first time in daylight I caught a glimpse of a different Oliver. I do understand how lonely it can be to be a gay teenager in the '80s. I just dread the thought of havingmessed you up. It's not something the film ignores nor something the viewer should ignore, but the film shouldn't be demonized or scandalized for it either. ... Oliver/Elio Perlman (1013) Oliver & Elio Perlman (143) Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer (34) Oliver (Call … This is especially evident in Guadagnino’s and Aciman’s distinct treatments of Not just the oblivious size difference - Elio gets a nosebleed after revealing his feelings, Elio throws up when they get drunk together, Elio masturbates and has casual sex with Marzia because he's horny all the time, Elio cries in several scenes while Oliver puts on a brave face. 'Pretty Little Liars,' I didn't see it until my own daughter as a middle schooler was watching it, and I was like, 'Oh, my God.' So I decided to not tag it "underage". Oliver, is 24 (and from what I've heard, Oliver is an American) so that means he's been raised in a culture where the age of majority is 18 (and even then, its still frowned upon to date someone who's still in their teens, even if they are of age). Aciman is just as forthright when it comes to discussing criticisms that the relationship between Elio and Oliver is predatory given their seven-year age gap. My husband and I are 7 yrs apart and I met him at 19, and nobody batted an eye when we started dating, we’ve now been married 16 and a half years With that being said though, I had never quite considered most of the things you said! I really disagree and feel like this is one of the key complications of the romance, addressed in the following ways... Oliver felt like he had "molested" Elio when he rubbed his shoulder during the volleyball game. The coming-of-age film that took the world by storm, ... and many of Elio and Oliver’s looks are just as on-trend in 2020 as they were in 1983. And when I say 'issue' I don't even mean it's a bad immoral thing. I was a college freshmen and everyone was going to see Dirty Dancing and the age thing was never ever discussed. Once Elio confessed his feelings and saw Oliver reciprocated them, he was the one determined to consummate their relationship where as Oliver might've restrained himself. When Elio broadcasts this he wants to impress on Oliver that he's mature enough to be sexually active and that his parents are cool with it. I've heard people say I couldn't possibly understand it because I'm not a gay man. I think he's been "not good" in the past and is trying not to go there again. The two begin a whirlwind romance under the noses of Elio’s seemingly-oblivious family. Without a doubt, the most ‘controversial’ subject of the film is the seven-year age gap between protagonist Elio, portrayed by Timothée Chalamet, and lover Oliver, portrayed by Armie Hammer. Elio is the pushy one and when it becomes clear Elio isn't going to let up, Oliver's main retort is "Grow up". When he stops Elio from going any further than kissing, Oliver insists that he wants to be good. That’s how it came to me. When they finally do have sex, Oliver is constantly checking if Elio is okay, asking for consent or letting Elio make the first move. Kimberly Jones accepts the age gap and Elio's minority on the grounds of a more permissive environment at the time and Italian age of consent law. Elio hides his Judaism; Oliver proudly wears a Star of David. Not even when they call the teenage half of the couple 'Baby'. Elio's age definitely plays into it though, esp. Partly because he never had Elio's libertine parents and the idyllic bubble of the Italian countryside. I think Oliver feels a lot of responsibility at "midnight" to make sure that everything they do is something Elio wants, and to make sure that this is a good first experience for him. Elio Meets Oliver. Oliver doesn't mention his own parents and their deeply homophobic attitudes until the final phone call, which suggests to me that while Oliver is older than Elio, he was equally inexperienced in a same sex relationship and that he is also a lot less fortunate than Elio in terms of his parental support system. All of this considered, I think CMBYN does make the age difference a problematic factor in the narrative. The age gap between Elio and Oliver should be questioned and perhaps make you uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean that Call Me By Your Name should never have been realized. I think it's both, honestly. What a waste of time and effort. I’m not sure if Aciman was responding to backlash about the age gap between Elio and Oliver by making Elio date someone even older but it certainly came across that way. The story is set between London and France during WW2. Not because Elio is sad at the end of the film and Oliver marries someone else-- "There’s no real why. I feel I should add to my OP that I don't think that age gaps in relationships are always an issue. Elio doesn't quite get it (even though he thinks he does), but Oliver knows that their queerness is not all that makes this relationship complicated. His attempt at giving Elio a sign (by touching him at the volleyball game) was so clumsy that it was a complete misfire. ... Gap Pink Striped Button-Down. Call Me by Your Name is a 2007 novel by American writer André Aciman that centers on a blossoming romantic relationship between an intellectually precocious and curious 17-year-old American-Italian Jewish boy named Elio Perlman and a visiting 24-year-old American Jewish scholar named Oliver in 1980s Italy. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the callmebyyourname community, A place to celebrate and discuss Call Me By Your Name--the novel by Andre Aciman and the film by Luca Guadagnino, Press J to jump to the feed. Oliver struck me as a lot less confident in his initial same sex flirting. If they find the cmbyn offensive, they shouldn't read or watch it. ", On what she's heard from people about her story, "A lot of people contact me directly because they appreciate what I've said, and they maybe identify with my story, and I know from my own experience that when you start hearing other people's stories, it makes it easier to tell your own. Wasn’t that the same ages as the characters in Dirty Dancing? Michel’s almost twice his age – Michel even mentions that … Aciman’s new novel Find Me, out this month, picks up 10 years after the first and sees Elio dating an older man named Michel. When he tells Elio, "I know myself, and we've been good," think he's saying that he knows he's not going to be able to resist Elio for much longer if Elio keeps coming onto him. I agree with you 100%. Good point! I genuinely don't see the age gap as a problem in the first place tbh. The age gap is further emphasized by Elio being more physically and emotionally vulnerable than Oliver. Call Me by Your Name is the love story of 17 year old Elio and 24 year old grad student, Oliver. Good. Wasn’t that the same ages as the characters in Dirty Dancing? So while I'm sure Oliver knew he was attracted to guys before Elio came along (while Elio perhaps only discovers his bisexuality through his feelings for Oliver) I doubt that Oliver was ever as bold about it at Elio's age. A lot of people present me with the argument, 'Well, the age of consent is 14 in Italy.' When Elio finally makes a move, Oliver expresses hesitation at becoming involved with Elio due to their age difference, warning Elio (correctly) that he’ll get hurt — but it's not too long before Oliver gives in. Double standards yes. ... Gap Pink Striped Button-Down. ", On whether someone might see the film differently if its setting or characters were different, "I'm kind of confused as to why this movie got the Oscar nomination, I guess, considering what it is. So despite being attracted to Elio he backed off. “I’m not telling anyone. The age gap was compared by Advocate to those in other works depicting straight relationships, ... telling the story of Oliver and Elio as they age. However in other ways it's Elio who has more power in their relationship. ", On those who see the film as depicting a beautiful, end-of-summer romance, "I would say that it's not a question of a gray-area age gap. This article is more than 3 years old. the "for you ... it's still fun and games, which it should be" part. And it reminded me of my own experience, because it was word for word what my abuser said to me over and over again. Both are around 17 in this, and everything that happens, is consensual. See, I don't think he was equally inexperienced. "[Oliver] keeps asking Elio to tell him what he's thinking about. I really was a child, I was isolated, I was looking for approval, like children do. Call Me By Your Name (Luca Guadagnino, 2017), based on the 2007 novel by Andre Aciman, it is both coming-of-age story and romantic drama. Many reviews have focused on the complicated nature of Elio and Oliver’s relationship––that being the seven-year age gap between the two––but have yet to factor in the cultural differences that the location of the movie being in brings into play. the film exploits the controversial nature of the age-gap between the two protagonists, Elio (seventeen) and Oliver (twenty-four), alluding to the ancient institution of pederasty as its aesthetic defense. Elio’s father Sami also features heavily in the book, as he engages in an affair with a younger woman. In the moment when Oliver is watching Elio sleep before they say goodbye, it's clear that he will be just as heartbroken over their parting but as the older man he is more capable of masking his pain. The Oscar-nominated film "Call Me by Your Name" is a coming-of-age story about a 17-year-old named Elio and his … No one seems to have an issue with that movie. I don't think Luca should have "sugar coated" the age gap by making Elio 19. Oliver is 24, breezy and spontaneous, and at work on a book about Heraclitus. The Oscar-nominated film "Call Me by Your Name" is a coming-of-age story about a 17-year-old named Elio and his brief romance with a 24-year-old grad student, Oliver, who comes to work with Elio's father. AU where Elio and Oliver are the same age. I'm not sure how anyone can read this passage in the book (which also exists in a slight variation in the movie) and say that it doesn't address the messiness of their age difference head on. ". This suggests to me that the main thing that's been holding Oliver back is his concern that Elio isn't grown up enough. Elio had people to comfort and support him through his heartbreak. "If I paired the age of Elio in the film with the age of Timothée, in three years' time, Timothée will be 25, as would Elio by the time the second story was set", he said. ", "Like Elio, I was precocious. A criticism targeted at Call Me By Your Name, both the novel and the film, was the potentially uncomfortable age gap between the teen Elio and adult Oliver, and it's an age gap that repeats itself in Find Me in the two new relationships explored. And in this context I think Oliver feels it would be bad to take advantage of Elio's blatant desire for him while staying in his family's home more than Oliver feels like the gay sex aspect is bad. Even so, Oliver is keenly feeling the impropriety, not only of fooling around with a younger man but more specifically fooling around with his host's teenage son. But we also have seen 'Riverdale,' it's an Archie Comics turned into a TV show, and the first season of it features the main character, Archie, romantically involved with his teacher.
. A little bit of nostalgia never hurt anyone, and it’s time to bring it back. No one seems to have an issue with that movie. Just because something's technically legal doesn't make it ethical. I think you're right about this, especially if Oliver has been raised by parents who would have put a queer son in a correctional facility. [Elio complies and Oliver briefly goes down on him in the doorway] Oliver : Well, that's promising. Elio is portrayed very much as a child: He shaves peach fuzz off of his face, he cuddles with his parents, his lines are often kind of bratty and childlike, and he's being played as a sexy romantic partner to a character who's very much being portrayed as an adult. At first sight, to some, this is quite a questionable circumstance, one that makes many even feel guilty about supporting the film.